Bryan Altman, CBS Local Sports
$700 million dollars is an unfathomable amount of money unless your last name is Gates, Zuckerberg or Buffett. Seriously, try for just a minute to picture what $700 million would look like. To help, take a $20 bill out of your pocket for a second. Now, imagine 35 million of them. That’s $700 million.
Now consider for a second, that with that obscene amount of money, you still can’t buy everything you want. That’s especially true if the thing that’s on the top of your wish list is the Dallas Cowboys. That would cost you a cool $4 billion, according to Forbes’ most recent rankings.
Still, don’t despair. There are plenty of sports teams within the four major sports leagues that are well within your budget. Let’s take a look at them now.
It’s important to note, we’re forgetting for a minute that selecting the lump sum option would only pay about $283.8 million dollars. So keep dreaming, sports fans.
All valuations courtesy of Forbes.
Teams You Can Afford – None.
That’s right, absolutely none. Sure, you can find some partners and leverage your entire net worth and maybe string together enough cash to afford the Buffalo Bills – the least valuable team in the NFL at $1.4 billion – but you’ve got no shot of being the outright owner here.
On the bright side, you really only need to own 51 percent of the team in order to be the primary owner, so with your $700 million it’s not an impossibility.
Teams You Can Afford – Philadelphia 76ers ($700 million), New Orleans Pelicans ($650 million), Minnesota Timberwolves ($625 million), Milwaukee Bucks ($600 million).
Teams Just Out Of Reach – Charlotte Hornets ($725 million), Memphis Grizzlies ($750 million), Sacramento Kings ($800 million)
If you’re a die hard Grizzlies fan, maybe you can get a deal on them at $700 million. Offer to throw in a yacht or something and maybe they’ll go for it.
Otherwise, you’re looking at the tank-tastic 76ers, or the Pelicans, Timberwolves or Bucks. Solid teams to be sure.
Teams You Can Afford – Kansas City Royals ($700 million), Miami Marlins ($650 million), Tampa Bay Rays ($625 million).
Justttttt a bit outside – Oakland Athletics ($725 million), Houston Astros ($800 million).
Not exactly a buyer’s market here. Plus, these valuations were put out by Forbes in March of 2015, so the Royals’ World Series win wasn’t taken into account and you’d have to imagine that drives up the price at least a little bit.
Still, with two out of three of those options you end up in Florida watching baseball games. Sounds like a solid retirement plan to me.
The NHL is a freaking buyer’s paradise. Going from the NFL to the NHL is like walking out of Barney’s and parading into a Men’s Warehouse. The world is your oyster here. Let’s start with what you can’t afford.
Teams You Can’t Afford – New York Rangers ($1.2 billion), Montreal Canadiens (1.175 billion), Toronto Maple Leafs ($1.15 billion), Chicago Blackhawks ($925 million).
Teams Just Out Of Reach – Boston Bruins ($750 million), Vancouver Canucks ($745 million).
Teams You Can Afford – Every other team! Seriously, all of them.
But don’t miss out on this winter’s hottest deals. You might even want to snag an NHL team for that special someone in your life at these prices!
Bargain Bin Teams – Florida Panthers ($186 million), Arizona Coyotes ($220 million), Carolina Hurricanes ($225 million), Columbus Blue Jackets ($226 million), Nashville Predators ($255 million), Tampa Bay Lightning ($260 million), St. Louis Blues ($270 million), Buffalo Sabres ($300 million).
Bryan’s Best Buy – New York Islanders ($325 million) – Getting a piece of the New York sports market for half of your new net worth is a deal you can’t possibly pass up.
So happy Powerball-ing ladies and gentlemen. Dream big, and maybe one of these professional sports teams can be yours by the conclusion of this weekend.
Bryan Altman is, for some reason, an unabashed fan of the Rangers, Jets and Mets. If he absolutely had to pick a basketball team it would be the Knicks, but he’d gladly trade them for just one championship for any of his other three teams.