By Ryan Mayer, CBS Local Sports
Editor’s Note: This post contains extreme amounts of sarcasm. It is designed to poke fun at video games based on recent events. Don’t take it seriously and certainly don’t suggest these game modes to developers at EA.
In the midst of corruption charges in two different cases brought by two separate countries swirling around the world’s governing body for soccer, the developers at EA Sports decided to drop the news that the womens’ national teams will be available in the next iteration of their globally popular FIFA video game franchise. The release of the news is a little suspect, but I imagine EA was trying to time it with the run-up to the Women’s World Cup, they just happened to run into bad news surrounding FIFA. Anyway, because we all enjoy making fun of sports leagues from time to time, I have a few suggestions for new game modes based on recent events within FIFA 16.
Be-A-FIFA President Mode – Building off of the Be-A-Pro mode that allows you to create your own player and work your way up through a professional soccer career in the first person, now you can be the FIFA president. You will have to achieve accomplishments in multiple categories in order to better your overall rating, as follows:
-Bribery: From paying off your first official, all the way up to buying votes for the presidency of the organization, work your way up by making connections with the right sponsors. Be careful though, if you break your promises after accepting these bribes, the sponsors will turn on you.
-Control: These accomplishments are base on your ability to distance yourself from the aforementioned bribes. This means leaving suitcases of unmarked bills in hotel rooms and using burner phones that can’t be traced back to you.
-Deception: Choose your responses to media questions carefully so that you appear to be a savior of soccer. The higher your deception rating the less of a chance that people will look into your back room dealings.
The good news about this game mode, regardless of how well or poorly you perform you’ll never be fired or unseated.
World Cup Host Mode – Start your own country that has absolutely no infrastructure but plenty of oil money so that you can buy the right to host the World Cup! Once you get it, design your plan for stadiums, employ as many low-wage laborers as possible and make a boatload of cash.
Bribe Mule Mode – FIFA officials can’t be bothered by new school ways of distributing their money, they prefer the old school. Cold, hard cash in briefcases. Play as a low level employee for a VP of FIFA and race your way to various drop locations with briefcases of cash while trying not to draw attention from the cops. As the bribes get larger, the police presence increases meaning you’ll have to upgrade your disguises and cars in order to avoid detection.
These are just a few ideas, feel free to tweet me your best @r_mayer.