Bryan Altman, CBS Local Sports
As Halloween sneaks up on us like a deranged killer in an old school horror flick, your social media feeds are undoubtedly being inundated with friends, followers and family members debating what they should be for Halloween. It’s one of the most difficult social decisions of the year for many Americans. Do I go for gore and creepiness, or for a more approachable costume that could lead to a rendezvous with an attractive nurse by the night’s end? Do I go with the degradingly hilarious costume, and suffer the indignation of being stuck wearing it for the entire night once the initial laughter and “hilarious costume” comments fade into the fall night? Decisions decisions.
Well, sports fans, our favorite athletes are just like us in this case. Some of them need a helping hand when it comes to deciding what they should be for Halloween this year. So with that in mind, we decided to offer up some suggestions to some famous athletes to relieve the pressure of picking the right Halloween costume this year. Here’s who/what we think these athletes should be for Halloween 2015.
Tom Brady As – Roger Goodell
They say you can’t really know the measure of a man unless you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. Here’s Brady’s chance to really get to know his greatest adversary on the football field and off of it in Roger Goodell, and learn about the softer side of… Ahh, who am I kidding, this would just be the greatest troll job of all time from the guy who will probably go down as the NFL’s greatest quarterback.
Peyton Manning As – Don Draper
Turn on your TV right now. Is Peyton Manning staring you back in the face selling you insurance, Direct TV, or pizza? No? Well, look again, he’ll be there soon. Manning is to doing TV commercials what Don Draper is/was to creating them. This is a match made in advertising heaven, and your party guests will totally appreciate the irony, Peyton, trust me.
Jordan Matthews As – A Tree
What’s tall, green, and can’t catch a football that’s thrown directly at it? A tree. And Jordan Matthews. And Brandon LaFell but one burn at a time.
James Harden As – Steph Curry
Harden keeps arguing that he should have been last year’s MVP, was last year’s MVP, got jobbed out of last year’s MVP, blah blah blah. Listen, James – If you want to be last season’s MVP, here’s your chance – dress up as Steph Curry. Problem solved.
Ryan Mallett As – An Airline Pilot
In case you haven’t heard, Mallett missed the team flight to his team’s game this weekend against the Miami Dolphins. Maybe he knew something they didn’t – like that they were going to get beyond embarrassed by a score of 41-0 at halftime? Either way, as a pilot, missing planes and paying for his own ticket will be a thing of the past! Now, Mallett can fly himself to the games. It works for Mallett and I’m sure it’ll be cool with his teammates who probably don’t want to spend much time with him right now.
Rob Gronkowski As – A Miller Light Truck
Gronk is just unstoppable on the football field when he’s healthy. He’s been compared favorably to a Mack truck many times, and that’s a mostly accurate comparison. The problem is the truck type needs to be a little more specific – Gronk is a Mack truck that’s likely carrying a ton of beer in it. The perfect costume for Gronk on all fronts.
Chip Kelly As – Traveler, The USC Trojan’s Mascot
Chip Kelly is without question the most talked about head coach in the NFL today, and one of the biggest questions is whether he’d consider going back to college ball to chase one of the high-profile vacant coaching jobs that have opened up this year. He can go about this one of two ways: the boring way, by making us wait until the end of the season to see if anything happens. Or, the fun way: by wearing a mascot’s uniform out on Halloween and inciting widespread joy, anger, fear, frustration and other emotions from Philly all the way to Southern California.
Ronda Rousey As – Hillary Clinton
Ronda Rousey has already proved her dominance in the octagon and has won the hearts of the American public. She’s unified the nation in a way that we look to our politicians to unify us. That’s why Rousey should go as Hillary Clinton. Even if Rousey won’t run for president, pretending that she is just for a day would be a treat.
Odell Beckham Jr. As – Magneto
Hey, Magneto got metal, Beckham Jr. got oblong-shaped leather balls, that’s just the way it breaks sometimes. Seriously though, the ball really seems to stick to Beckham’s mitts if it’s within 10 feet of him, so there’s no other explanation. Odell’s got to put on a cape, wear the hat, and do party tricks all night where he summons footballs towards him.
Jameis Winston As – Mariano Rivera
Jameis Winston didn’t turn the ball over, which was a major step in the right direction for the No. 1 overall pick of the 2015 draft. However, his team blew a 24-point lead, which means Winston needs to learn how to close out these games. Take a cue from the greatest closer to ever do it, Jameis.
Greg Hardy As – Anything/Anyone But Greg Hardy
Greg Hardy beyond a shadow of a doubt deserves the awful opinion everyone outside of “Jerry World” has of him. Here’s a great opportunity for him to get out from under the shadow of a narcissistic, tone deaf, volatile NFL player to be something productive. Maybe a fire fighter? Maybe a cop? Anything but the Greg Hardy that we’ve all come to know and loathe would be a start.
Andrew Luck As – 2014 Andrew Luck
Things are ugly in Indianapolis right now. And who would have thought that one of the many culprits behind the Colts’ early season struggles would be the anointed one himself – Andrew Luck. Luck has been bad. Sure it’s not entirely his fault considering he’s probably hurt worse than he’s letting on and has no offensive line and no running game to help lessen the pressure on his shoulders, but he’s still underachieving. Bring back the 2014 version, even if just for one night.
Bryan Altman is, for some reason, an unabashed fan of the Rangers, Jets and Mets. If he absolutely had to pick a basketball team it would be the Knicks, but he’d gladly trade them for just one championship for either of his other three teams.